What certainly doesn’t help is the slightly insane decision to have the narrator be the only one capable of speaking. This is normally the point where I’d summarise the story, and I assume the game has one in the sense that I assume a teenager’s bedroom has or at one point had a floor. Biomutant is an open world RPG that’s trying to do a lot of things, none of them well. I mean, how much intelligence does it generally take to hold a big knife by the non-ouchy part and stick it in everything softer than a tree trunk? What about charisma? It makes it easier to pass persuasion checks! But how often does that come up? Is this one of those RPGs where high charisma is the secret easy mode or one where any build not specced for combat is going to get chumped like a concerned parent at an after school knife fighting club? Spoiler alert, it’s the second one. Do you want to put points into intelligence? I don’t know, do I. I hate when a game forces me to make a whole bunch of character building decisions before I know the first fucking thing about the game. Character creation time, let’s randomly combine seven zoo animals to create your physical appearance and then choose our favourite stat. Anyway, Biomutant is an RPG, and you know what that means.

Like we were conceived at the Lion King wrap party and nobody was willing to claim parentage.

Best guess, a sort of hyena cat leopard raccoon lemur sloth. Actually that does raise the awkward question of what the fuck kind of animal we ARE playing in Biomutant. I guess there’s Biomutant now too but you don’t get to be a pomeranian in that so I don’t know how it had the balls to show its face. Hey, now that the post apocalypse is starting to feel less like an overused setting in fiction and more like a fucking dress rehearsal, wanna play a game about small furry animals retaking the Earth after the human race dies out? Well then play Tokyo Jungle, genius, it’s got cute pomeranians ripping the throats out of bunny rabbits, and what kind of monster can’t find joy in that. We have a merch store as well! Visit the store for brand new ZP merch. Want to watch Zero Punctuation ad-free? Sign-up for The Escapist + today and support your favorite content creators! This week on Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews Biomutant.

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